Talk It Out

[unrecovered]

Characters: Wash, York, and North
Content: These three are overdue for a pretty heavy conversation.
Location (including world): Hotel, Traverse Town
Time of Day: Evening, after York's conversation with Epsilon
Warnings: Language, mentions of massive mental trauma

It had been a few hours since Wash had closed his communicator and gone out to work off his frustration. He'd come back from his excursion with a bag weighed down with munny and dream pieces and everything else Nightmares dropped, a layer of ash on the left side of his helmet from a fire lizard that got a little too close, and a good amount of exhaustion weighing on his mind and body. If he was lucky, the hotel room he shared with York and North would still be empty when he got back, and he could fall asleep without having to talk with anyone.

Really, by now, Wash should have learned that he was rarely ever lucky - at least, not in ways he wanted to be.

Comments

[allfunandgamesuntil]

York was, in fact, sitting on a bed when Wash arrived. The talk had gone well - well enough, anyway - and he'd had a bit of time to try to figure out how to broach everything with Wash. One thing that was clear was that Wash and Epsilon both needed time and support, and it would be hard enough to figure out how to do that for both of them.

"Hey, Wash."

[brodakota]

Luck certainly wasn't on Wash's side. North had returned earlier, feeling the need to lie down and think about things. There'd been a lot information that he'd received, and it was honestly overwhelming. It didn't help that he had little idea of what it all meant for him.

He lay stretched out on his bed, watching while Theta played with his skateboard, using Cactus as a ramp of sorts.

"Hey," he said, when Wash walked in.

[unrecovered]

So much for being lucky. Hell, so much for sleep.

"Hi," he replied flatly, feeling a part of him quietly shut down. He didn't have it in him for a fight, not that he wanted another one, not again. Hell, he didn't even think he could manage a conversation right now, though evidently a conversation was what these two wanted. If York had planned on letting him sleep, then he wouldn't have camped out on Wash's bed. The only way out of this was to turn around and leave again, and that would only make things worse in the long run if one of them didn't stop him before he could go. No, he was in this for the long haul.

So he grabbed a hand towel from the adjoining bathroom, took a seat on York's bed, removed the left shoulder plate from his armor, and calmly began rubbing the soot off of it. If they wanted this conversation so badly, they could damn well start it.

[allfunandgamesuntil]

York turned to look at Wash properly. Hopefully the start of the conversation would help him calm down, and they wouldn't have a repeat of whatever happened when Epsilon first showed up. "Church wants you to know that he's not going to be sharing any information that you don't want shared. He's pretty pissed at you, but I think that's mostly because of what happened when he first got here. When we met in person, we barely even touched on anything that happened at home. Mostly Delta wanted some alone time with his brother, and from what I can tell, Church was hurting for that as well."

Well, and York was pretty sure that Church would beat Wash in the face if he were capable of it. But that wasn't the important part.

[brodakota]

North sat up, listening in on the conversation. He glanced at Theta who stopped skating, not that Catcus really noticed. He wasn't sure if he should say anything just yet.

It was weird, looking at his friends and realizing that they were from farther in the future than him, and they seemed reluctant to talk about just how bad things got. It made him nervous.

[unrecovered]

He kept his head down, concentrating on the task at hand, because it was easier than trying to read emotion through a pair of helmets. He had experience doing just that, yeah, but right now it would be an effort he didn't want to expend.

York's words gave him a moment's pause, however, though he didn't bother waiting for the flood of relief that should have hit him at the news; he knew it wouldn't come. The upside of exhaustion was muted emotions. He wouldn't be feeling much of anything for a bit, and he was okay with that. "That's good," he replied noncommittally, getting back to the task at hand.

[allfunandgamesuntil]

Well, that was better than Wash getting worked up again, though underreacting could be just as dangerous as overreacting. Delta winked into view next to York, and spoke up, looking to North and Theta. "Church did express a wish to spend time with Theta - or at the least, be recognized as his brother."

York stood and started to circle the room towards Wash; D was totally capable of staying near Wash's bed, or not, as he chose.

[brodakota]

"Yeah, we didn't get much of a chance to talk last time. What do you think, Theta?"

"I guess we can meet him, as long as he doesn't start shooting again," Theta replied, thoughtfully. It probably wouldn't take much convincing, once they had a clearer handle exactly on who Church was.

"So, is he Church, or Epsilon or both? What's his story, exactly?"

[unrecovered]

Wash registered that York was getting up, but he mostly ignored it. All that meant was his bed was clear if he wanted to take it back and fall asleep.

"He's both," Wash filled in the silence, snapping the cleaned shoulder plate into place and removing his helmet to get to work on that. He hadn't really taken his helmet off in front of them since they'd all arrived here, and he knew he didn't look the way they remembered. Trauma and exhaustion had drawn at his features, painting semi-permanent dark circles under his eyes and graying the hair at his temples. It would probably be a shock to his friends, but he didn't have it in him to really care right now. "He's the Epsilon AI fragment, but Caboose taught him to be what he remembered of someone called Church." Of the Alpha, but he didn't want to get into that. "So he thinks he's Church, but he knows he's Epsilon at the same time." He kept his eyes down and on his helmet while he was speaking, methodically cleaning the ash off and barely noticing as Fang landed on his shoulder and started gently nuzzling against his cheek. Obviously the bat could tell that he was upset and wanted to do something to help, even if Wash was too numb to really notice.

[brodakota]

North leaned against the wall, and sighed. He was exhausted all of a sudden, and it had hit the moment he left the room.

"Are you okay, North?" Theta asked, appearing in his spray of fireworks. He sounded concerned, and unsure. North nodded.

"I'm alright Theta, just tired. We have a lot to think about."

"Yeah, I guess we do," Theta looked downcast. He was still processing anything, and North's worries didn't help any.

"C'mon, let's go get a new room."

It didn't take long, though North was sure the moogle had given him an odd look, and soon he was in his new room, taking off his armour. It was quiet and North had to admit he wasn't used to having his own room. Cactus has claimed a place on the bed, and was snoozing already.

Well at least now he had a place to think.

[allfunandgamesuntil]

York was just glad the moogle was willing to tell him what room North had moved into; he'd been worried he wouldn't get an answer out of it. He headed down the hall to knock on the door lightly. "Hey, North, sorry to bother you, but can we talk?"

[brodakota]

North had been divesting himself of the last of his armour, noting that he was going to need to get some regular clothes for times like these. He'd been hoping to just crawl into bed, but then there was a knock at the door.

He waited to open it, opting to splash some water on his face first before answering the door.

"Depends on what you want to talk about, York. I don't think I'm up for small talk right now."

[allfunandgamesuntil]

York had his helmet tucked under his arm; he dragged a hand through his hair and sighed. He looked older as well - not quite as shaky as Wash, but aged and drawn. "I think you need to know what happened to Project Freelancer, but I couldn't talk with you about it in front of Wash. I wanted to know why he didn't want you to know, and I'm still not sure on that score. But I know part of it is because it's heavy stuff, and I think..." York smiled wryly. "I think he didn't want you to lose your innocence."

[brodakota]

The fact that York looked older to didn't help matters. As far as he was concerned, North was still fresh-faced and young. It hurt, there was no other way around that.

"Considering we were soldiers in the middle of a war it's kind of late for that," North replied, opening the door to let York in. "I had to grow up a long time ago."

[allfunandgamesuntil]

York stepped inside and sighed to himself, though his hebby repp was happy enough to curl up on the bed with Cactus. "Remember when we talked about whether we were the good guys or not? It turned out to be more 'or not' than anything."

How was he going to even explain? Well, he could start at the beginning. "When CT knew she was going to have to bail out, she left information for Texas to find. Information about how the program was producing our AI fragments. To get Delta and Theta...all of them, they tortured the Alpha until he broke. All the nervous habits Delta and Theta have, the ones that feel like PTSD? They are."

[brodakota]

North stumbled backwards until he found the bed, accidentally sitting on Catcus's tail in the process. He gave a quick apology to the spirit before staring North in disbelief.

"You're kidding," was about all he could force out. At least, that explained why Epsilon wasn't stable. And why Theta was so nervous all the time. "So that's why CT left. Was she trying to stop them?"

[allfunandgamesuntil]

"Yeah. She was trying to get the information out. From what we found out, Project Freelancer was a legitimate approved program under the UNSC; it really was designed to try to partner the best with AIs, but they could only get permission for one." York leaned against the wall. "But that wasn't good enough for the Director. Some of what I'm going to tell you are guesses - Wash and Epsilon would know for sure, but I don't think either of us should ask them."

"Given how they came into the world, the fact that Theta and Delta are actually stable people was more the luck of the draw than anything. When Wash got Epsilon, what they did was to put all of Alpha's memories in his head, which meant every memory of all the torture he went through. Epsilon went insane inside of Wash's head because he couldn't deal with remembering everything. At the same time, Sigma got...ambitious. Or Maine did. Or they both did. Delta's got theories."

[unrecovered]

He couldn't sleep on his back (three old bullet wounds near his spine) or on his left side (turned out the bruises from being hit by a jeep stick around for more than a few weeks), so Wash was stretched out on his right side on top of the bed, armor long since removed, wide awake. He'd spent a good while trying to keep himself from worrying about the earlier conversation or from falling into the memories that still burned at the back of his mind; whenever he wrenched his thoughts away from one, they simply flew to the other, and he'd been desperately trying to keep himself somewhere in the middle with minimal success. Worries meant wakefulness and Epsilon's memories meant nightmares; either which way, he wasn't going to get any sleep.

After a little while, Fang had hopped up onto the bed next to him, curling up against his chest and squeaking quietly, trying to comfort him. He'd buried one hand into the bat's fur, grateful for something external to focus on. And he waited, because York had said he'd be back, and this was York, and Wash refused to consider any other possibility.

[allfunandgamesuntil]

York had considered entering quietly, in case Wash was asleep. And then he had declared that idea really stupid. Wash probably wasn't asleep; he was probably tearing himself up inside. And if he were asleep, York wasn't really ready to deal with his startle response again tonight. He knocked on the door lightly before opening it up and stepping inside.

"Hey."

[unrecovered]

He'd been waiting for York to come back, but the knock still startled him; he figured York would've just come right in. Wash pushed himself to a sitting position, placing Fang on his lap. The bat was helping; he wasn't about to give that up. "Hey."

He debated starting with how'd it go, but dropped the idea almost immediately. They were well past the point of casual words and dancing around the question. Instead, he simply laid it out. "What did you tell him?"

[allfunandgamesuntil]

"I told him about the collapse of the freelancer program. And about what Maine and Sigma started doing." York sighed and set down his helmet, then started taking off his armor.

[unrecovered]

"That's...a lot, all at once." And Wash more than anyone else knew what having a lot dumped on you all at once could do to a person. He was quiet for a moment, considering. "How's he taking it?"

[allfunandgamesuntil]

"I didn't really want to leave him alone with it, but I'd said I'd come back here later. It's about as heavy as you'd expect." It wasn't something that York wanted to leave anyone with, but he couldn't not go back to Wash. Too many people hadn't made it home; you didn't go back on a reassurance like that.

"...oh, and Delta always wins. Because he cheats."

[unrecovered]

"Yeah," Wash replied quietly, because what else could he say? He hadn't meant to pull York away from North, not if North still needed his help processing everything he'd learned...but he hadn't meant to drive North off either. It seemed like everything went wrong whether he intended it or not.

"Yeah, well, you are playing against someone smarter than you." He recognized York's attempt at a joke, and he tried to laugh, tried to smile, tried to do something to raise the mood like York was trying to do, and it fell flat. He was too tired, too raw, for anything like that right now. Instead, Wash fell silent, twisting his fingers up in Fang's fur and trying to think of something he could say, something he could do to make this better, and drawing a blank.

It was a bit before he spoke up again, and even then his voice was quiet. "York, I...I'm sorry. For all of this." The words weighed heavily on his shoulders, and he didn't look up. "I really fucked this up. I just didn't want-" He faltered and trailed off, eyes still on the floor. He wasn't sure he wanted to see the look on York's face right now. He wasn't sure what it would be, and he was even less sure he would be able to handle it.

[allfunandgamesuntil]

York set down the last piece of his armor and sighed. It felt like he'd been in it for years, like it was still weighing down on him. There really wasn't any good in this situation now, not for anyone. He headed towards Wash's bed. "Hey. Wash, even though you've changed, I know you didn't want to hurt me or North. He knows that too, but it's just too much for him all at once right now. And it's killing him that he couldn't help anyone. We all need time."

York carefully settled on the side of the bed; he didn't want to upset Wash again, but it killed him to see Wash like this. And sometime within the next few days he'd have to find a quiet place to have his own breakdown, where Delta wouldn't automatically try to get his friends to help him.