"It's stupid," Even manages after a few more ragged breaths - and aren't there supposed to be actual tears, or something? His eyes don't seem to have gotten the message. "I don't - want - "

He doesn't want to care this much, doesn't want to feel like even Xion was only an excuse, like some part of him has been expecting...

"I should have expected," he says, achieving a coherent sentence by dint of pausing to take aim at the end of it beforehand, "that I couldn't run away from it forever."